He is beginning to remember.....

It has taken me several weeks to process and digest this information; something I had dreaded for 13 years. When I had children my main goal was to protect them and keep them safe. I failed.
One morning I walked into the kitchen. It was evident that my son, who was 19 at the time, had stayed up all night and that he had gotten into the liquor. Not being a serious drinker, I didn't have much. There were 2 bottles of beer , a little amaretto, a couple of ounces of vodka, various drip and drops.... I was irritated that he would do something like that and went into the living room where he was asleep on the couch. It was then that I saw the 4/10 shotgun.
I let him sleep.
After I had let him rest and I had time to compose myself I sat and watched this man/child sleep. When he awoke my first words were, "You need to talk to me".
After several protestations with my assuring him that there wasn't anything he couldn't talk to me about, he started crying. He finally said that he was starting to remember things. I managed to stand up and walk over to the couch. I cried and he cried. He talked, I listened. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him.
When I was able to speak I said, "Do you know what a miracle you are?" I told him about the people who had worked so hard to protect him and keep him safe. He talked about the time he was in CPS care to keep Dan and his father from taking him. He remembers bits and pieces of the abuse......for now.
and so I ask the question, again, that no one can answer: Why would anyone abuse a child?