Today has started to be a “not so good “ day. Daddy has slept most of the day and isn’t eating. The fact that he isn’t eating is noteworthy since he has always eaten three meals and three snacks a day for most of his life. Today it has been nothing but banana pudding and ice pops. His blood pressure has dropped, respiration is shallow and there is very little communication. Judy, the Hospice nurse, came by and wasn’ t able rouse him. Not even a Cherry LimeAde from Sonic was enough to get him to open his eyes.
I understand that each day we get closer to the end of this life and the beginning of another for all of us. In looking at the letters and cards from people whose lives he had touched I am warmed by the feelings that are conveyed. He was my teacher, too. He was also my biggest critic demanding perfection that I was unable to attain. I saw him as a cool, distant stranger who lived in our house until I was 14 years old. That was the relationship, or lack thereof, that I had with my father for many years. I tried to please and failed.
The big change came after I was an adult. We became friends as well as father and daughter. My sister and I have been given an opportunity to care for our father as he leaves this life and starts the next. She has told him that we will hold his hand as long as we can on this journey until he takes the hand that is reaching out to take him to the other side.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
My Father Is Dying
It has been a roller coaster. Yesterday was a good day. Last night and today have not been so good. He has been very restless which means that we are staying close. There is very little communication; a whispered word or nod of his head. We have had time to talk about the past and tell him the good things we remember.
Angela wrote about going to the ranch and cooking hotdogs in the dry creek bed. She remembered Daddy catching an Armadillo by the tail and dragging it out of it’s hole so everyone could see it up close. He let it go but that was one mad armadillo. The next morning we all piled into the back of the truck to go out and look for deer. They were always there if we looked hard enough.
I loved to watch Daddy work in the garage. I’m sure it was to keep me busy but he would give me some scraps of wood and a hand drill. I would make holes and nail things together and had a wonderful time. I still love the smell of freshly cut wood.
A few minutes ago Jacqui asked him if he was okay. He nodded and in a whisper asked if we were okay. She told him that he might have noticed, his daughters are pretty strong women.
This time that we have with him is special. I am very fortunate to be with my father at this time. It’s a time of healing for all three of us.
Angela wrote about going to the ranch and cooking hotdogs in the dry creek bed. She remembered Daddy catching an Armadillo by the tail and dragging it out of it’s hole so everyone could see it up close. He let it go but that was one mad armadillo. The next morning we all piled into the back of the truck to go out and look for deer. They were always there if we looked hard enough.
I loved to watch Daddy work in the garage. I’m sure it was to keep me busy but he would give me some scraps of wood and a hand drill. I would make holes and nail things together and had a wonderful time. I still love the smell of freshly cut wood.
A few minutes ago Jacqui asked him if he was okay. He nodded and in a whisper asked if we were okay. She told him that he might have noticed, his daughters are pretty strong women.
This time that we have with him is special. I am very fortunate to be with my father at this time. It’s a time of healing for all three of us.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
My Father...
My father is dying. I know that from the moment of birth we are all dying but it's now time for him. After almost 91 years his heart has worn out, hospice was called in 6 weeks ago and his body is going through it's re-birthing process.
I'm lucky. I was able to know my father as a person. In the last 10 years I have been able to visit with him. We have hit the Texas Fort Trail and visited countless museums. He convinced me that I could start college at 54 and I gave him the honor of putting the parking sticker on my car as well as framing my first Dean's List certificate. He supported my arts by helping me set up for my first art show, attending many concerts and watching The Music Man because I had worked on the sets even though he had to travel 400 miles to do so. We got to talk about our childhoods. I got to find out where my great grand parents are buried and heard stories of going to Tabernacle Meetings in a wagon. We both apologized for things that happened during my teen years,my parents divorce, my rebellion, and we became friends. We sang together in his church choir when I visited him and he did the same when he came here
Yes, I am lucky. I not only have a father, I have a friend and I will be holding his hand and singing.when he goes home.
I'm lucky. I was able to know my father as a person. In the last 10 years I have been able to visit with him. We have hit the Texas Fort Trail and visited countless museums. He convinced me that I could start college at 54 and I gave him the honor of putting the parking sticker on my car as well as framing my first Dean's List certificate. He supported my arts by helping me set up for my first art show, attending many concerts and watching The Music Man because I had worked on the sets even though he had to travel 400 miles to do so. We got to talk about our childhoods. I got to find out where my great grand parents are buried and heard stories of going to Tabernacle Meetings in a wagon. We both apologized for things that happened during my teen years,my parents divorce, my rebellion, and we became friends. We sang together in his church choir when I visited him and he did the same when he came here
Yes, I am lucky. I not only have a father, I have a friend and I will be holding his hand and singing.when he goes home.
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